It's getting harder and harder to speak news alerts out loud these days.
My grandfather — Pop — used to read the front section of the evening newspaper and — upon finding something interesting — would read the headline to the rest of us who were either waiting to get our hands on the front section or didn't really care about reading the news at all.
And nowadays, I still participate in spoken news alerts. Here at Meadhouse, we're both often reading the web miscellaneously, and we each like the keep the other up to date on the latest items of interest.
But lately we're calling out nonsense like this:
Did you see they found more documents at Biden's house?/Yeah, I told you they they found more documents/But these are new additional documents/And I told you about the new additional documents/But these aren't the new additional documents you told me about, this is from 2 minutes ago, newly found new new documents....
As I'm writing this post, Meade calls out to me, "What's happening in the news?" So I say, "They found more documents." And he's all: "Yeah, I saw that." So I say — in the interest of taking this post in a fanciful direction — "But these are new new documents, they just found them." And he said: "WHAAAAAT?!"
So I questioned him about where that "WHAAAAAT?!" came from and he said he had this vision of Biden walking around and wherever he goes, papers are falling off him.
Me: "Did you picture the papers falling out of his pockets or shedding from his body like pangolin scales?" He says, "Both." And also, he's picturing Biden doing a sort of magician's act, sniffing some little girl's hair and then "Whoa! There's a document in there!"
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